First Blog Post in a Year!

Well so it has been way to long since I last blogged! It's pretty ridiculous actually and quite honestly I had just kind of forgotten about my blog until a friend of mine recently shared how she has started blogging and how much she enjoys doing it! And that got me thinking, hmmm maybe I ought to start blogging again just to see where it takes me. Since my last post (which was over a year ago) A LOT has happened. I am not living on my own nor am I away at college. In fact, I only just started college this month due to being in the hospital for complications due to my Eating Disorder and overall just not doing very well. I have experienced many ups and downs over the course of this past year and have found myself being in a very dark and unhappy place plagued by distorted thinking and poor body image, something that is still on my mind constantly. Having an Eating Disorder is like having someone tell you 24/7 that you are worthless and disgusting and that you don't deserve to ever be happy and that is exactly how I have been feeling lately. After getting out of the hospital for the 45788783#@907th time last November and being stuck in the ICU and almost dying, the little hope that I did have is slowly disappearing. I am at that point now that I am just able to accept that I may never get over this and that I will probably struggle for the rest of my life. I don't like to think of myself as a "hopeless person" because I'm not...I do still have some hope left that recovery IS possible for me, but whether that hope will last long enough to get me to that point where I can with confidence say that "I am recovered"  is what I am most afraid of.